I Am an Aztec, The Armor Of The Cap And Gown
I am an Aztec. Not just because of the school I graduated from, but because of the fire I've walked through to get here. For a long time, I thought being a warrior meant winning every fight. Now I know that being a warrior means having the courage to pick up the pieces of yourself every time a tornado hits and deciding to build something even stronger.
Bloodlines And Boundaries
I am still struggling to accept how this religion came about, my people, and myself. I am from the New World, and from Aztec blood from both sides of my parents; my Dad is from Guerrero, and my Mom is from Mexico City ~ the heart of the Aztec Empire. I am an Aztec warrior. It’s in my blood, but everything changed when Mexico was colonized by the Europeans; they stole our families' goods, land, and culture, amongst other things. Fast-forward to now, and I am still an Aztec warrior. I just have European, African, and Asian blood in my veins—the blood of the settlers.
I’d like to believe that one of my ancestors and a colonizer fell in love and procreated through that love, but I know that probably didn’t happen. The integration of that Sardinian blood into our Aztec lineage likely came with violence; still, I hope. I am not going to say that the things my people, the Aztecs, did were not heinous and horrible. Change needed to be brought about, but not the type of change that arrived. I wonder what my Aztec ancestors would say if they could see all of this now. I speak the language of our colonizers, and the language of English, as I was born in the States after my parents migrated here for a better life. I grew up Catholic – the religion of the colonizers – but became a Christian in 2007. That's when I started to read the bible.
Standing On The Ruins Of The Past
In Catholicism, I was not allowed to ask questions, and I was not encouraged to read the Bible. They also romanticized the colonization of my people and many more tribes, saying they were there to spread the Gospel, but they rarely mentioned how they destroyed Aztec temples and built churches on top of the ruins using the very same bricks. I’ve always had a curious soul. I search and seek. I tend to ask, how and why? I was bound to “rebel” against my religion and my culture. I did not procreate with Aztec blood. My children are mixed. They are Afro-Mexican-American. A “betrayal” I do not regret. My children were born from love, not violence, judgment, or discrimination. I have read the journals from the colonizers, and they were there to colonize the Americas with their language, customs, behavior, and religion, through any means necessary, including force. They didn’t have to rape our women, but they did. I don’t think that’s very Christ-like. The Old Testament speaks a lot about conquering the “Promised Land”, and there was a lot of violence that resulted in death, but not rape. In order for me to know, I have had to embody this experience and pain, to learn about where we have been, where we are, and where it is we’re going. When it comes to judgment, I have experienced more judgment from “Christians” and those tied to “religion”- even those who believe in Karma - than those who don’t believe. I believe that I am a human, and I am expected to make mistakes; mistakes are meant to make us better, not worse. It is an opportunity to redeem ourselves, to right our wrongs, and to make things right or better. God is not a God of fear, but that’s what I constantly hear from the Christians; there is a lot of indoctrinating the people with fear, not love, and the bible they so badly thump along says, “God is love and if you don’t know Love, you don’t know God.” it also says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." There seems to be a lot of contradictions and hypocrisy.
I often wonder what my people thought when the sun broke the horizon, and no blood had been shed. Perhaps they realized then what I am realizing now: you don't have to destroy a soul to build a life.
2026: The Victory Lap
I am taking the bricks of the temples they tore down and the churches they built on top of them, and I am building something else entirely. Adding the piece of me, where the sun comes up simply because it is time to begin again.
